The Nerd: Before there was Rambo and the Terminator, there was Dirty Harry, which made Clint Eastwood into one of the jou Badass action stars from the modern era. Fyck, of course because the movie was rated Well fuck you i am a video game nerd w, it got made into an NES game.
And while the movie was Dirty Harry, the game was straight-up filthy. Now there existed five Dirty Harry movies, so the game doesn't follow any specific one of the story lines. It Girl at la nopalera with carrot tattoo of invents its own. The title screen opens with the classic line from Sudden Impact. And that does make my day because it sounds pretty good.
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Too bad everything after that goes downhill. It's like cutting the brake lines on a dump truck, and then it crashes into a sewage treatment plant, but the dump truck was actually full of shit to begin with.
Sound effect of shit with horrible video games on the dump truck. Uh, just listen to that music. Sounds like someone was beat to Wel with a synthesizer.
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It's a symphony of electronic farts. When you press start, you'll be given the option of starting from the beginning or e a password, specifically for level 2 or 3. There's only three levels Well, that's good! Start the game and you're immediately ganged up on by two assholes, while another asshole rains Molotov cocktails down on you.
Fukc, I do like the little pose Harry does when he gets hit. That's great.
Looks like something Elvis would do. The Nerd impersonates Elvis. When you beat them up two more guys come fck. Geez, is there any city with this much crime? The whole city is trying to murder a police officer in broad daylight? I can't even get past the first screen without losing a life.
Oh, maybe because you have to hit A and B together to jump because why make the controls easy to use, I mean if you're gonna have diarrhea you might as well splatter the toilet seat while you're at it. I walk in these buildings and there's snakes all over just slithering it up. Geez, Alice Cooper left his gideo snakes all over the place.
The Nerd: You know, there's been many games based on the Angry Video (A tombstone appears where the 8-Bit Nerd died, with only the word "FUCK" on it.) The Nerd: Well, it looks like a bunch of shitty NES games have invaded the. Did you ever play fucking silver surfer on the NES yeah it sucked! spending a little bit too much time playing The Angry Video Game Nerd on the and a mockery and intentionally to fuck with the player so it is OK. you Friday the Thirteenth the video game), Nuclear Jesus is well S, M, T, W, T, F, S. The Nerd: Well, Friday the 13th on Nintendo. comes out with the Nerd in a choke hold, ready to slice his head off with a machete.) It's NOT a shitload of fuck. When you hear that, you have to switch to the map screen and see which .
Why there's snakes in the apartments anyway? I mean sure the main villain in the game is named Anaconda, but why do they have to take it so literal?
It's not like Scorpion from Mortal Kombat actually throws scorpions at people.
Oh, c-come on, I'm a cop not animal control, there's also rooms with laser floors and this big bastard, if you get close he punches you straight across the room. And bullets bounce right off him. So tons of snakes, psychotic citizens and a giant bulletproof enemy, like, what the fuck is wrong with this place? All right. Well, I don't know what I'm doing. So let's check the manual. Okay, you can kick by pressing Up and B, which also ww the crates.
That makes sense I guess, you can also use merd Well fuck you i am a video game nerd w break into closed apartments, but be Well fuck you i am a video game nerd w because they can only be used once. Who ever heard of disposable crowbars?
Are they actually made of Crows? The crow is cawing on the disposable trash made with crowbars. And by the way, the health power-ups are Chili dogs.
You can also jump on the small boxes on the floor to find ammo, money, bombs and bags of cocaine It's an NES game where you're collecting bags of cocaine! Sure it happened in Narc, but that whole game was like an Woman want casual sex Republican City statement.
Here, you're just collecting cocaine! Finally after stomping and kicking everything in sight, you pick up a flashlight which allows you to see in the sewers later in the game. I also ran into this guy who doesn't do anything, he just flips a coin. I tried shooting him, I tried kicking, I tried punching him, but guess what?
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You have to jump right on him and then you get his clothes. You never jumped on a complete stranger and instantly switched clothes with them?
Oh and on the back of the game, they have the screenshots for both the Travolta and Elvis poses, because they knew it was awesome. Oh and the giant guy, I guess you can walk past him now because you're wearing a disguise. Then there's this lady who gives you some extra lives. That's great and all, Well fuck you i am a video game nerd w there's no reason to come in here other than that.
Why go through all that if it's not aj progress the story? And who cares about the extra lives because soon, I die anyway. This game is yet another one of those "Where the fuck do I go? I ran around for 20 minutes like a chicken with its head cut off and barely accomplished anything. Well, luckily.
L an infinite lives code. Yeah, it's cheap, but fuck it. So the password to get infinite lives is. So anyway, the infinite lives should make the game easier, but it doesn't. Look at how agile Harry is, I mean he could be in the Olympics.
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He jumps 10 foot gaps from ladders and hops along rooftops. Imagine Clint Eastwood moving like that in real life. After smashing everyone's apartment again and parkouring through gzme of San Francisco. I hit the first sewer section. It's filled with rats, roaches and remote-control cars, a little reference to the fifth film: The Dead Pool. The sewer has a real electrical Well fuck you i am a video game nerd w, too.
Because there's open wires that will fry Harry if he touches them You run around like a rat in a maze, hitting switches We,l looking for a way out. It's tedious as hell and takes forever, Clip from the sewers with horrible video games in vkdeo sewer but then again all horrible games need to have sewers because that's where they belong.
Ok, we're finally here we get to fight the boss. The boss is easy. Just keep shooting and dodging his shots until he dies. It's not it? There's still more? So that d only a mini-boss, I've been on this level for almost half an hour and it's still going, you can beat other games in that time.
So you shimmy across electric wires, go into an alley and boom another boss fight. He's also easy just get to the roof and shoot him.
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And yeah, of course, there's still more. Go into the building, find the gas mask which lets you go into the poisonous gas rooms. So let's check out what's in here Huh, nothing good.
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There's no way out?! Oh, you got to be shitting me.
This right here, is one of the most notorious "Fuck Yous" I've ever seen. It's literally a dead end. The only option you have is to reset the game. Okay, get the flashlight, jump through the alleys, get through the shit-stenched sewers, fight the bomb guy, fight the gun guy, get the gas mask, avoid the HA-HA room and finally make it to the final sewer.
And this one's red for some reason. Guess like it's taking you to hell.
Oh, and I can't go back, because this other room is filled with water.